The... Upcoming Crap

Thought I'd just take the time to make a post about what I have planned for this blog in the next few weeks or months or whatever. To start off, I haven't been enthused to write anything really this month because of shit happening. So sorry about that.

Moving on, I will be starting to do some reviews of various "games" and "movies" that I always see online in my ongoing quest for weird shit to talk about on this site. For example, I have seen this game called 'Guilty Train Molester Man 2' a number of times at various forums where you can download cracked games and so forth... and my mind just sits there and wonders aloud: what the fuck?!

Is that not one of the strangest titles you have seen for a computer game? It shouldn't come as no surprise though that the game comes from Japan, where there is an ongoing epidemic of men molesting people on trains daily. This game is probably based upon a true story.

To top it off though, it is a fucking sequel! Can you believe that the first one sold enough to justify the creation of a second installment? Wow... the first one must be fucking awesome, because I haven't seen a third one, so maybe this second one isn't that good. We'll see when I eventually get around to downloading it and playing through it.

Apart from that, I will continue to look for bad porn to post, and I will get around to making a new installment in the 'Series of Personal Challenges' that I started a while ago now. I just need to come up with something worthy so that the French people who enjoyed me trying to gratify myself will enjoy it.

The... Quarter of a Century

So, I had my 25th birthday yesterday. I hate birthdays now, as it just reminds me that I am getting older, and my body is not what it used to be.

For instance, I have a bad back problem, my knees are almost shot, at the moment my foot hurts, I have a massive amount of grey hair and my vision is going to shit. All this in only 25 years, so I'd hate to think what my body will be like when I hit 30, let alone any older. I must be one of the roughest looking guys around my age.

What did I do to celebrate yesterday? Nothing except the usual shit I do every day, which is take care of my kids and then when I have them settled enough for them not to be annoying for 5 minutes, I get on the computer and surf the net... mostly for weird porn for this site's segment 'Worst Porn I Can Find Today'.

Though, my girlfriend did surprise me with a little party. Nothing special or anything, but it was nice. I can't be bothered to write anything else right now, i'll update the site properly tomorrow.

The... How The Fuck Did We Win?

I just got back from a local karaoke competition in which people from the surrounding regions and Sydney were entered in it, as me and my friend got drawn on the first night of the comp.

Somehow, we just won our spot in the final. We can't really sing, we're okay, but alot of other people sing much better than we do. The only thing we do, is act like complete fucking tools. For instance, we've been known over the years at karaoke for a number of songs.

First off, we were popular because we did 'Gay Bar' by Electric Six and we just act like dicks in it, even going so far to dress like the dude from the video clip (if you haven't seen the clip, imagine Abraham Lincoln in exercise gear and/or bondage). Then we started to do alot of different rap songs, eventually doing 'Baby Got Back' by Sir Mixalot (who doesn't seem to be mixing much these days...), and doing it so well that we know the timing off by heart and know when a karaoke file is off by even a millisecond.

Now, we're known for 'Rock Lobster' by the B-52's, and we act like complete and utter dickheads in that one. My friend kicks me off the stage (if we're on one) or a speaker (if there is one on the stage) and then I crawl around on my back screaming and doing the chick parts from the song.

Tonight, we carried on a box full of invisible seatbelts so people could come up and get one to strap themselves in, and I dressed in my captains shirt as seen in the profile photo in the upper right of this site. Oh, and we used the name that we came up with for our duet name thing... Jarthew Patanus, which is a combination of our two names in a weird way.

Anyway, us doing these things have got us into the final, and now in the running to win $1800 if we come first, $800 if we come second or $400 if we come third. If we somehow win, we're going to start seeing if we can get gigs at the local pubs... because we are fuckwits.

There was a fat lady who complained about us winning. It was pretty funny.

I should have a video soon that my friends wife took from the back of the room (you fail to see me for most of the song), so I will put it up when I get it.

Oh, and when we arrived tonight... there was a dead lady in the parking lot.

The... Not Fucking Ninjas

I made a video the other day that i've now posted on YouTube, where i'm going off about some scenes in the American Ninja movies. I had been meaning to do the video for a while, and even took the scenes from the movies I talk about and show a fair while ago now, but never got around to actually doing the other bit because my microphone was fucked.

In the end, I ended up just filming myself with my phone and put it together with the footage. Hopefully it will get as popular as my last video, but I doubt it will. Ninjas don't seem to be as cool these days in the interweb. Take a look below.

The... Might Get Arrested For This Post

I have just read an article stating that the Australian government have now banned any depictions of A-cup sized breasts in adult publications and films. Seeing that I am an Australian citizen, and I like smaller breasts, I am pissed off that I might get arrested for looking at a chick with smaller boobs. Seriously, what the fuck?

Also of note is that female ejaculation is also now banned because it is 'abhorrent'. I can't remember what that word means, and I cannot be bothered looking it up in an online dictionary, but I know that it isn't good. Is that essentially banning anything with Alisha Klass, because she squirts all the fucking time...

So yeah, fuck you Australian government! I like small boobs, and to prove it, there are some after the NSFW jump.

The... This Is The Wrong Future

I was watching a video on YouTube from 'Back To The Future Part II' right now, and an idea struck me on how they should do a sequel in the next few years if they so want to.

As most people know, the BTTF movies featured Marty McFly traveling from 1985 to various points in time using his friends time traveling DeLorean. One of the times that he traveled to was 2015, which we are nearly at. So... what were to happen when in the normal time frame, the 2015 of the second movie did not occur?

I'm pretty sure that the whole trying to set things right in the previous movies were all for naught if the future doesn't occur like it did, with hovercars, controlling the weather (or just being able to predict it really well) and funky future clothes... oh, and a Mattel Hoverboard.

The past has constantly given us false hope about the future. When I was a kid, I was guaranteed to be living in an underwater bubble city, or a moon-based bubble city, or a regular bubble city. But no, none of that.

Imagine how disappointed Marty will be when he sees the future of today. Bleak, un-vibrant clothes. Wars. No Cubs win over a Miami baseball team (who the fuck are the Gators anyway?).

His whole expectations of the future are gone out the window. Especially when he contracted Parkinsons Disease in the mid-90s. Really, the only thing they can do is another sequel.

Bring back Doc with a brand new DeLorean, and get him to enlist Marty to save the future by going into the past to correct whatever the hell made the future not happen how it was supposed to. I want freaking hoverboards, and games where you don't use your hands, and weird bottles of Pepsi that look impossible to open. And I want the real fucking Max Headroom damnit, not some cheesy imitation!