The... Itching

So, it is a few days since the last post and my crotch is now significantly less itchy...

Hooray!

Thought I'd share that since I don't have anything else to write about.

The... Dickhead

So, I was with my new girl the other day and learnt that she had only just shaved her snatch.

Completely shaven.

We started off on a discussion about what she prefers on a guy, and the consensus from her was that she liked her bloke to be lightly trimmed. Not overly balding and shit down there, but neatly trimmed, so that it doesn't interfere with her... well, adventuring.

Well... I'm a fucking dickhead.

Two days later and I now have a tremendously itching crotch region, due to taking the initiative and wanting to do something for her. I now have parts completely shaved on my balls... and I am now copping the aftermath of regrowing hair in my most precious of nether-regions.

I would prefer to have someone punch me in the face than this feeling. How the fuck chicks can continue to shave, and not just wax, down there is beyond me.

The... New Girl

So, i've met a girl in the last few days and she seems to be a really nice one. Been hanging out the last few days when we both have a bit of free time, and we're really clicking. She also gets along with my friend's wife, as they apparently already knew each other.

That bit kind of weirded me out. I was hoping they would get along, but they got along extremely good. And she also went to school with one of my other friend's girlfriends. So, it was like a big girl love-fest when we went out the other day.

I was the only guy there, so it was a bit awkward... but I toughed it out.

I have to say that she really is a great girl. She is nice, she can make me laugh, and she is a terrific singer. To top it off, she deep throats, she swallows, and she is a squirter. The holy triumvirate of a highly-sexed sexual partner that a lot of guys want.

And I have it! Ahahahaha!

The... Broken iPod

So I was just at eBay, watching a bid for an iPod classic get drastically out of my meager price range, when I decided to take a look at some other auctions to see if there was another somewhere else.

I find this.

What a fucking rip off. $80 for a BROKEN iPod.

Let me state that again. $80 as the starting bid... for a BROKEN iPod!

Wow. The current bid on the iPod I was looking to try to get was up to $70-something, and that was a fully functioning one, that comes with the fucking headphones and shit.

If someone gets that iPod. I'm going to travel down the telephone wires like the motherfucking Atom, and cock punch the person into oblivion.

I hate humanity.

The... Urge To Kill

I'm pretty sure that at some point in the near future I am going to kill someone.

My kids have broken down my resolve over the last 18 hours or so, that I just want to hurt someone really badly. They woke up at 2am, and haven't slept since. One of them shat in their play-room, and they've generally been pissing me off more and more as the day goes on.

Not to mention when I change them, they keep kicking me in the nuts. I hate being kicked in the nuts... but constantly and repeatedly... is not my idea of fun.

For those wanting kids... you fucking idiots. Rip out your testicles before it is too late, and then run far away from them after you've fed them to a dog. Run away as fast as you can. And then punch your missus for even suggesting the idea to you.

The... Drinking pt 2: Frank Bolts

Well, ended up drinking a shit load last night.

I don't remember leaving the pub, have a few messages on my phone having a conversation with my mate's wife where I identified myself as Frank Bolts, and my curtain wasn't on the window, so judging from me being half naked... i'm guessing someone got a show.

Then on my Facebook page, I have drunken messages stating that "is prety fuckrd. soryy fptryhodr jr had prddrf pfgg" and "ahuir", which from my many years worth of valuable training in 'Drunken IRC Decoding', means "is pretty fucked, sorry if i've pissed anyone off" and "shit".

The second one is most likely because even when i'm drunk I can pick up on the fact that I'm drunk, and I usually pick up immediately on the fact that i've mis-spelt something.

The whole thing has got me thinking that me identifying myself as Frank Bolts is who I turn into when I get drunk. When I drink, I become Frank Bolts.

Who this man is, I don't know. I've never met him.

But he sounds awesome.

The... Drinking

I have begun drinking tonight. I've got half a bottle of Bourbon to consume before I leave this plane of existence for another where drinking is on the menu, and singing via a microphone is common place.

Drinking is a favourite past-time of mine, so much so that I have become quite proficient at it. It isn't an uncommon sight that when I hit the drink, that I drink a fair amount. I love my alcohol.

If I became totally uninterested in the world, chances are that I would probably slowly kill myself like the character of Ben in 'Leaving Las Vegas'. The likely-hood of drinking myself to death in Las Vegas whilst getting together with someone of the hotness magnitude of Elisabeth Shue is beyond astronomical though.

It'd be worth the shot though. Even if I end up falling through a glass table after sucking on her tits covered in whiskey. It would be totally worth the shot.

The... Domain

I have just purchased the domain, CaptainXenu.com. Exciting... no?

The... Breakin'

Over the last few days, i've been scouring the internet downloading things from my childhood. Music, video games, television shows and movies mostly.

One of the things that I am happy to get a hold of, is some of the music from Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. This movie has been a favourite of mine from before I can remember, and listening to the music unattached from the movie is awesome.

I was just sitting here, reading stuff on Wikipedia when all of a sudden the next song on my playlist in Winamp is Ice T - Combat. It kicked all sorts of ass, but I have to say I was disappointed that there isn't someone yelling "TKO" at the end.

Is there anything in this world more awesome than Breakin' 2? I highly doubt it, as evidenced by the fact that everyone uses it's subtitle whenever a sequel to a popular movie is announced. Most people don't even know where the hell the whole Electric Boogaloo thing comes from... THAT is how awesome the movie is.

I've gone mad recently with the shit i'm downloading. I've started downloading a 200GB collection of the classic series of Doctor Who. That is, all the surviving serials, along with recreations of episodes missing. Already watched the first part of 'The Mutants', more commonly known as 'The Daleks'... quite awesome.

I've also had a little bit of money recently, and decided to buy a DVD that I spotted. That DVD?

Dark Angel.

I know, it sounds like i've gone and turned into a lamer, buying a copy of the bad TV series starring Jessica Alba, but fret not... this is no lame TV series.

You see, Dark Angel is the alternate title of a movie starring Dolph Lundgren, which was released in the USA under the infinitely stupid title 'I Come In Peace', which is a line that the main villian constantly says. In fact, it might be the only thing he says, apart from the odd grunt or weird hiss. The villian is in fact played by Matthias Hues who is one of those "hey, it's that guy" type of actors. You don't know their names, but when you see them, you just KNOW who they are.


But anyway, like I said... I bought this movie. Is it a good movie? Barely. It's pretty predictable. A cop loses his partner in a drug bust gone wrong, gets assigned a new partner who is a stickler for the rules, investigates shit, gets caught in the ministrations of an intergalactic drug dealer, becomes friends with new partner... and so on.

You know, typical 80's cop drama with awesome one-liners.

"Argghhhhhh... I come in peace."
"And you go in pieces, asshole."

Brllnt.