The... Lindsay Lovelace

So, there is apparently a biopic about to come out based upon the life of porn actress Linda Lovelace. She is most famous as the star of the 70's cult porn film, Deepthroat, from which the informant of Woodward and Bernstein of the whole Watergate fiasco got their dirt of Nixon.

The movie is about a woman who goes to the doctor because she cannot have an orgasm. What they find is that her clitoris is in her throat...

...that's right, you read that correct. Her clitoris is in her throat.

What follows is pretty much shot after shot of her ramming cocks down her throat. And this was the movie that was shown nationwide in the United States in most mainstream cinemas, and had hundreds of A-list celebrities at it's premiere. Weird.

Anyway, i'm bringing this up because of the actress that is going to be portraying Lovelace is the one, the only...

...which is going to be hilarious. Why is it going to be hilarious?

Mainly because of the fact that Linda Lovelace had one incredibly fucked up life, and that is saying a fair bit considering how fucked up pornstar's lives usually are. To start off, if this movie is going to follow her life according to her, she is going to be drugged and forced into pornography by her husband. And that is only the start.

Next up, she is going to fuck a dog.

Excuse me? Did you think I made a spelling mistake? Well... fuck you, I didn't! When I say she fucked a dog... I mean, she got down on all fours and let a dog fuck her. And there is video evidence of it as well. It was eventually released to the masses under some name like Beastly Desires 2 or something like it. I'm pretty sure i'm not exaggerating the number of it either.

She later went on to become a massive junkie, and then found god. After which she promptly died in a fiery car wreck.

So, let's recap some things we might see Lindsay do for this film:

1. Deepthroating.
2. Porn.
3. Having sex with a dog.
4. Doing drugs (I highly doubt she would ever really do drugs...........)
5. Become a massive junkie.
6. Die in a fiery car wreck.

She has done at least three on this list in her own life. So, no wonder why she is starring in a Lovelace biopic. Good casting.

The... Nightmare On Elm Street

I just finished watching the new 'Nightmare on Elm Street' movie with Jackie Earle Haley replacing Robert Englund in the role of Freddy Krueger. I was kind of expecting a decent movie, but nowhere near as classic as the original... and I am right... except for the bit about this movie being decent.

Every single memorable piece from this movie came directly from the original. And the thing is, the original did everything ten times better. This post from someone else's blog shows some of the shots from the trailer of the movie with scenes from the original.

As you can see, they redid a number of the iconic scenes from the first movie. Freddy coming through the wall to watch his victim being one that immediately jumped out at me as "why did they bother doing it with CGI?". The comparison from the other blog is on the right here.

Seriously, how bad does the effect look when done in CG compared to the original rubber wall trick? The original is creepy looking and it was real, whilst the new one looks tacky. It looks like a shitty version of the effect done in 'The Frighteners' where the reaper traveled through walls and shit.

I was expecting more, but this movie was just bad. I wish that I could get my bandwidth back... that's right, I didn't pay to see the movie. I wasted bandwidth that I could have used to download more porn.

The... Yay!

We've just left Newcastle after attending court. It has been a shitty few weeks, but all the crap is finally over, meaning that regular posting will start again within a few days. I'm writing this with a mobile phone so this post might be a bit wonky.