The... Captain Jack Vs Shark Attack 3

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you might have read about the movie I consider to be the greatest movie ever (which I have still not managed to watch), simply because of the title and the DVD cover: that movie being of course, Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus.

 Well, there is also another movie out there in the wilderness of crappy B-grade movies that features a large shark that is infamous across the internet because of it's cheesy special effects. And when I mean cheesy, I mean fucking cheesy! Take a look:

What I find remarkable about Shark Attack 3: Megalodon is the fact that I spotted John Barrowman as the lead character, Ben. For those that might not know who John Barrowman is, he is the actor that portrays Captain Jack Harkness on both Doctor Who and Torchwood.

Really.

I want to see Captain Jack go up against a shark now. Let's see if he can survive being eaten by a shark. And whilst we're at it, make it a giant prehistoric shark. That would be an awesome show to watch.

The... So It's Christmas

So, it is Christmas Day here on Volcano Island, and the presents have been handed out and collected. The kids didn't really seem to enjoy it, as they are still only 18 months. They have a inkling of what the fuck is going on, as they were allowed to rip up shit and throw garbage everywhere unlike the usual days where they get in trouble for doing it, so I suppose that is something.

It is weird being a parent and being the one doing all the shit for Christmas, when as a kid, you are told to believe that this obese guy in a red suit does it all. I mean, fuck Santa. What fucking person came up with the concept of giving credit to a fictional character? I just spent $600 two days ago getting the last few presents I needed to get, and that isn't including the massive amount of toys I bought. I also need to set up a trampoline and a fucking bike.

I want some fucking credit for the work I did. I want my girlfriend to get the credit for all the work she put in for not only my kids, but her son as well, as well as the shit she did just to make the house Christmassy for all involved. She was up all night hanging lights and decorations up everywhere, so when the kids woke up the next day, she could tell them that Santa did it all whilst he was here dropping off presents!

Fuck Santa. Fuck him good in the ass.

The... Ex Is Trying To Push Me

So, the whole personal matters dealing with my children that I alluded to the other day is a big old custody battle thing. My ex keeps taking little shots at me via her Facebook page, and has been going around telling people that i'm being mean to her and not letting her see the kids and so forth.

These are the facts:

1.  My ex left to go to the US a few weeks ago, and I assume she paid for the trip with money that she receives for majority custody of our children (which I have records of, that she doesn't, I do), which are specifically to help pay for the childrens welfare, not so she can get her hole filled.
2. Her house is an absolute mess which I have photos and video of, and so do the police and so do DoCS. The house is filled with rat shit (including their beds), the mice living inside the house have made nests everywhere, there is rotten food all over the place, coffee cups FULL of cigarette butts and to top it all off, the garage is filled almost top to bottom with rubbish.
3. Whilst she was gone on her hole-filling trip, she managed to spare a whole $120 to help feed the kids, and buy other essential items. And that was only after I made sure to pressure her.
4. After retrieving my personal belongings from the house which I had left there from the time we had split up, I took the baby cots and a computer we bought together after the children were born which I have a receipt for in my name (this is a major plot point in this story), mainly due to the fact that she owes me about $1100 now.
5. Whilst I was getting my things, a neighbour called the police to tell them that the caretaker of the house is not there and that people are taking things out of the house. When the police came, the Senior Constable was a friend of my fathers, who went inside the house, almost gagged and decided to take photos of the inside and make a report to DoCS themselves.
   
6. She returned a week earlier than expected, i'm assuming because she wanted to clean the house of all the refuse that had piled up... good luck with that.
7. Oh, there is now NO POWER in the house whatsoever.
8. Since returning from her trip, she has made the effort to come and see the children once. I'm not stopping her from seeing the children, but she isn't taking them. I won't let them go back to a house like that.
9. Since returning from her trip, she has made the effort to call about the children twice. Every other time she has called has been about the computer I took. That seems to be all she really cares about, as she went and got a 'Notice of Demand' from the courthouse to hand to me (which you aren't supposed to hand in person, you either do it by mail or through the police), which is pointless as I have a receipt for it, clearly in my name. It listed a number of other things, half of which I didn't even take, which shows that she hadn't even bothered to go to the house herself.
   
10. I assume that she is trying desperately to get the computer back so I don't do anything with the number of photos that inhabit a folder called 'Naughty'. The ones of her spreading her pussy wide open are especially bad.
11. And finally, I have a plastic bag of dead rats that had previously made it's home on top of her computer table. That is where my father found this bag. DoCS really didn't like it when I took that into their offices.
    

So yeah, once more... if I don't seem to be posting much in the next month or two, this is the reason why. Just thought i'd like to clear that up for anyone that may come to this site on occasion and may enjoy reading my boring shit.

Soida!

The... Night The Reindeer Died

I have just spotted a 'Top 14 Fake Movies from Real Movies' list over at filmcritic.com. You know, movies that the filmmakers come up with for characters in the movie or television show to see that don't actually exist in real life. An example would be the Space Mutant movies from the early seasons of 'The Simpsons'.

Anyway, I immediately went through it to spot if a certain movie made the list. Which it didn't. How could you do a list like this without listing 'The Night The Reindeer Died' from the immortal Christmas tale, Scrooged? Let's take a look:

How the hell did that not make the list? It has everything:

1. Santa.
2. Elves.
3. Terrorists attacking Santa's workshop at the North Pole.
4. Lee Majors (the Six Million Dollar Man!)
5. Lee Majors blowing terrorists away with a mini-gun!

What the fuck were the people who wrote that article for filmcritic on? How could you be working for a site like that, and not list this classic fake movie from one of the better christmas movies of the last few decades, starring Bill Murray who was in his critical and box office prime at the time?

It's fucking bizarre.

The... Sorry

If it seems like I am not making many posts over December, then I am sorry. Some personal shit is happening, in regards to my children, and I will most likely not be having much spare time to do anything for the site.

The... Worst Porn I Can Find Today: Part 5

Today's entry is a little different, as it isn't a single video. In my everlasting quest to find some strange and weird porn for this segment, I have found a number of porn search engines that deal with the subject matter, such as Cliphunter.com and AskJolene.com.

Now I have found another, which helpfully categorizes searches for popular terms. Want a video that features Sauna's? It has a category. And so on.

So, going through this helpful directory of categories, I came across what I believe to be the crowning achievement of 'Worst Porn':

Amputee Porn. There is only a few videos in the listing (including the video I had seen previously and meant  to include in this segment), but at least it is a start. We can't shame the countless amputee women in the world into not wanting to make porn. They should be free to do so, right?

The... Old School Awesomeness

I am an old school gamer, and have fond memories of playing various gaming machines since I was very young. From the Milton Bradley Vectrex (which is currently sitting in my cupboard) to the Commodore 64 to the Sega Master System and so forth, I love my old school games and forever will.

So it isn't that much of a surprise that when I came across this website today, I blew a load.

Not only can you find multiple instances of old school gaming that you can play within your browser, but i've come across movies, tv shows, programs, e-books and more.

First thing I loaded up was Wonder Boy 3: The Dragon's Trap for the Master System. Which is one game that I absolutely loved growing up. I never bought it, but constantly hired it out from the local video shop. If I had saved the money that I used to hire it out, I could have bought a few copies (which is what I also could have done with Wrestlemania 2000 on the N64).

  

Next up for me is probably to play some of the old DOS games they have. I've spotted Scorched Earth and Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, so I might play them ones.

I'm pretty sure that i'll be fucking around on this website for a long time. So if nothing gets posted within the next few days, you know the reason why.

The... Gripe: Media Codec Error

I've been using torrents to download movies and television shows for quite a while now, and if there is one thing that still annoys the absolute fuck out of me, it is getting a fake file.

I especially hate the ones that are the same rough filesize of other versions of the movie/tv show, but it is a ten second video stating "Media Codec Error: Use Windows Media Player"... really? I downloaded Media Player Classic to avoid using that piece of shit memory hog of a program.

Hell, getting a fake file through any downloading medium pisses me off. Why the fuck do people do it, as it isn't funny unless you have an incredibly fucked up sense of humour... but what gets me most about the whole fake file thing, is that people download the fucker and then continue to seed them instead of deleting the file!

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!

Why add to the stupidness, by supporting a file that you've downloaded that is fake. I wish that I had the Atom's power, to go down through the phone lines and then appear in some douchebags room and punch them in the face. I think i've already stated my desire to have that power before... somewhere on the site.

I just tried downloading a copy of episode ten of 'Stargate Universe', only to get the above mentioned file, and then discovered that the show had a week off this week and that the next episode comes out on December 4th. Fucking hell.

If I knew that, then I wouldn't have wasted 350MB of bandwidth on shit.

So fuck you assholes that make fake files. Fuck you assholes that help propagate fake files. Fuck you Saniel.