The... Farewell To Blogger

With the migration to my own site almost complete, there is little point still coming to this version of the site. I will keep it here for posterity, so that people who may have always used the blogspot address can be guided to the new version of the site.

It will be odd not coming here to add content, but I suppose it was a necessary step as Blogger is quite limited. I am now working on making the new version of the site exactly how I want it, and so far, it is pretty much doing so.

It is also so much easier to write new posts, without fucking around with the layout and so forth for almost every post. And adding videos is infinitely easier, so I hope I can do a bit more content like that.

In all, goodbye to Blogger... and onwards with Wordpress.

THE ALMIGHTY CAPTAIN XENU!

The... Downtime

In the next few days, if the site has some downtime, then I can say that it is because I am finally moving the blog to my own hosting. I've had hosting for other sites for a number of years, and I simply made this blog on Blogger because I couldn't be bothered screwing around with any in-depth CMS like Wordpress.

The last time I had used Wordpress, I got the shits with it quickly because my site never looked the way I wanted it to, the massive amounts of spam were such a hassle and because I kind of just didn't like it at the time. It seems a lot more robust and there are ways to combat the spam now, so I thought it was time to make the move.

I'm currently working on a bit of a redesign, or more realistic... a design, since this is mostly just one of the basic Blogger templates that I hacked about a bit. So once that is done, the site will be fully switched over to Wordpress and everything will be sweet.

At the moment, I don't want my domain registration to change to my hosting service, and the thing that is confusing me is how I am going to be doing this. I have my domain hosted at GoDaddy, but the site hosting is at Dreamhost... so what do I do to make that work?

Everything about the site will be the same hopefully, but a few things might change, with some things going and some new things coming... so be patient with it please.

The... Hard Knock Life

Holy crap! I have never read any of the 'Little Orphan Annie' comic strips, but now I kind of wish I had if the last strip in it's now ended original run is any indication of how fucking insane it is.

To start, most people will know of the character via the musical film Annie. The poster for that movie is on the right if you have a hard time picturing it. It was famous for giving the world the songs 'Tomorrow' and 'It's A Hard Knock Life', which later went on to be mocked by Mike Myers in whatever Austin Powers movie it was mocked in.

But god damned. I thought it was just a story about a little girl being adopted by some rich dude, and the trials and tribulations of them as they do things and everyone ends up being happy.

Well... prepare to be blown away. The ending of the strip goes about like this:

Annie has recently been kidnapped by gangsters. They've killed people, and it shows the end result in the strip, so it looks like Annie is in trouble. Cut to some detectives or something telling Warbucks (the old rich dude), that she is most likely dead... and fed to sharks.

If that was the final week of the comic strip, THAT is how it would have ended. But the ending is far more awesome than that!

It goes to explain that Annie was saved by a war criminal known as 'The Butcher of the Balkans'... and he is contemplating killing her to make sure she doesn't talk to anyone about his location. But no... he can't do that to a child.

Damn.

What does he do? Well, he decides that wherever he goes, he will take her along with him. So instead of being kidnapped by gangsters... she is now being held captive by a fucking war criminal, who might kill her so he doesn't have the burden of her any longer.

This is almost as weird as Tin Tin wearing a monkey! But damn, I want to go and read some Annie!

The... Huh?

I've only just came across this video from the Glamour Magazine awards ceremony. What the fuck they are giving awards out for, I have no idea... but that still doesn't stop them from having Sir Patrick Stewart presenting an award.

What the fuck just happened? I always thought that Patrick Stewart had some sense of humour, but his bad attempts at insulting that fat guy (whom i've only ever seen in the latest episode of Doctor Who) are incredibly pitiful.

The Jonas Brothers? I can see your belly?

His creepy smirk after he made the comments do not help his cause either. What the hell drug is he on?

The... Foreigner

I was out the back today when I heard a sort of crashing sound in the shed. I opened it up to discover that a box of my old trading cards had fallen, and spilt out over the floor. Quite annoying.

Picking them up however, and I came across a card I do not remember ever having.

It's a trading card for the band Foreigner. I found this incredibly amusing, because... well. It's Foreigner. Why the hell do I have a Foreigner trading card? It seems to be from a set of music related cards, but for the life of me, I don't ever remember having any other cards... hell, I don't even remember having this one!

Another reason I found it amusing is because of when me and my friends used to regularly play trivia on a thursday night. Whenever there was a CD Music round, and a song came on that we weren't sure of the artist, we would simply put Foreigner... because about 80% of the time, it was the right answer. That is the golden rule... if you don't know who the artist is of the song you're listening to, it is either Foreigner or Phil Collins/Genesis. Trust me.

On another note, look at the unabashed coolness emitting from them. The long girly hair, the incredibly faggy clothes. It's like looking at one guy doing three guys. It is very gay.

Rock on, Foreigner. Rock on!

The... Stupid GPU

For the last few weeks, i've been having a problem with my computer overheating, or more accurately, my graphics card. It is generally okay during regular use of the computer, but whenever I have played a graphics heavy game that would usually not tax my graphics card... it goes apeshit and causes an error which has no real reason and/or solution.

Looking for a solution to this has been a mindfuck of a search, and I came up with nothing. Seems that most people using Windows 7 has this problem, and no one knows why. Many suggest that it is because of overheating the GPU, which seems to be what my problem was.

The reason my GPU was constantly overheating is because the fan attached to it to keep it cool was coming loose, and kept coming off of it's spindel. This keeps giving me the shits, to the extent that to keep the GPU cool enough to use the computer, i've had to have a small fan next to the computer blowing cool air onto it.

But now, I seem to have fixed my problem.

I turned my computer upside down. I figured that the fan couldn't come loose if gravity was stopping it from coming loose... and remarkably, the idea worked.

In fact, it is working so well that the temperature has dropped massively during gameplay of any of the games I previously played. Whereas I was getting up to 95 degrees on some intense scenes... I now get anywhere between 55 to 65.

Wow.

All of my problems could have been avoided if only the manufacturer built the fucking GPU with a fan on the fucking top, instead of on the bottom. Stupid fucking bastards.

The... Wooh, Blackhawks!

I haven't sat down and watched an NHL game for a long time, mainly because I never have the time, and also because whenever I do seem to catch a game on TV, it isn't the Chicago Blackhawks. I'm not really an avid follower, but I have always liked the Blackhawks since I first started playing NHL 95 back on the SEGA Genesis (or the Mega Drive where I actually live).

Anyway, I just saw that the Chicago Blackhawks have won the Stanley Cup for the first time since the '60-'61 season. Go the Blackhawks!

The... Karate Kid

Now, to start, I hate the fuck out of Will Smith's son and I think that the only reason why he is even in the movie business is because of his mother and father. He is annoying, and that is only from just looking at him. And I hate the fuck that they are making a semi-remake of the original movie which is such an 80's icon that it even has Bananarama music.

But... in saying that, the remake looks okay. If they named it something else, then it wouldn't have been such a problem and a lot of people might go see it that wouldn't since it is named Karate Kid.

Though, I am getting annoyed with people asking why the fuck the new Karate Kid movie is called that, when it is set in China and they practice Kung Fu there.

It is pretty simple to explain and it even did it in one of the first teaser trailers. The reason why it is called "The Karate Kid" is because that is what the bullies call him after he tries to defend himself the first time, and they derogatorily call him this, because what else would someone who is an ass and has practiced Kung Fu for most of their life call someone putting up their fists in defense?

I think it is a clever way to integrate the title. I wish they hadn't used the title to begin with, but at least they gave it a reasonable answer as to why they used it.

I still hate the kid though, he looks like a douche bag.

The... Lindsay Lovelace

So, there is apparently a biopic about to come out based upon the life of porn actress Linda Lovelace. She is most famous as the star of the 70's cult porn film, Deepthroat, from which the informant of Woodward and Bernstein of the whole Watergate fiasco got their dirt of Nixon.

The movie is about a woman who goes to the doctor because she cannot have an orgasm. What they find is that her clitoris is in her throat...

...that's right, you read that correct. Her clitoris is in her throat.

What follows is pretty much shot after shot of her ramming cocks down her throat. And this was the movie that was shown nationwide in the United States in most mainstream cinemas, and had hundreds of A-list celebrities at it's premiere. Weird.

Anyway, i'm bringing this up because of the actress that is going to be portraying Lovelace is the one, the only...

...which is going to be hilarious. Why is it going to be hilarious?

Mainly because of the fact that Linda Lovelace had one incredibly fucked up life, and that is saying a fair bit considering how fucked up pornstar's lives usually are. To start off, if this movie is going to follow her life according to her, she is going to be drugged and forced into pornography by her husband. And that is only the start.

Next up, she is going to fuck a dog.

Excuse me? Did you think I made a spelling mistake? Well... fuck you, I didn't! When I say she fucked a dog... I mean, she got down on all fours and let a dog fuck her. And there is video evidence of it as well. It was eventually released to the masses under some name like Beastly Desires 2 or something like it. I'm pretty sure i'm not exaggerating the number of it either.

She later went on to become a massive junkie, and then found god. After which she promptly died in a fiery car wreck.

So, let's recap some things we might see Lindsay do for this film:

1. Deepthroating.
2. Porn.
3. Having sex with a dog.
4. Doing drugs (I highly doubt she would ever really do drugs...........)
5. Become a massive junkie.
6. Die in a fiery car wreck.

She has done at least three on this list in her own life. So, no wonder why she is starring in a Lovelace biopic. Good casting.

The... Nightmare On Elm Street

I just finished watching the new 'Nightmare on Elm Street' movie with Jackie Earle Haley replacing Robert Englund in the role of Freddy Krueger. I was kind of expecting a decent movie, but nowhere near as classic as the original... and I am right... except for the bit about this movie being decent.

Every single memorable piece from this movie came directly from the original. And the thing is, the original did everything ten times better. This post from someone else's blog shows some of the shots from the trailer of the movie with scenes from the original.

As you can see, they redid a number of the iconic scenes from the first movie. Freddy coming through the wall to watch his victim being one that immediately jumped out at me as "why did they bother doing it with CGI?". The comparison from the other blog is on the right here.

Seriously, how bad does the effect look when done in CG compared to the original rubber wall trick? The original is creepy looking and it was real, whilst the new one looks tacky. It looks like a shitty version of the effect done in 'The Frighteners' where the reaper traveled through walls and shit.

I was expecting more, but this movie was just bad. I wish that I could get my bandwidth back... that's right, I didn't pay to see the movie. I wasted bandwidth that I could have used to download more porn.

The... Yay!

We've just left Newcastle after attending court. It has been a shitty few weeks, but all the crap is finally over, meaning that regular posting will start again within a few days. I'm writing this with a mobile phone so this post might be a bit wonky.

The... Jameson

Jenna Jameson is in the news because Tito Ortiz apparently beat the fuck out of her. As evidenced by the photo on the right, she doesn't look that bad. In fact, that photo happens to be the most she has looked like her old self for a long fucking time.

Seriously. There was at one point, a time when she was massively attractive and uber-hot... and that is mainly the reason she became such a big pornstar, and the fact that she could suck dick really good, I suppose.

But that was then, and now, she always looks like a plastic freak with massive pouting lips. It is horrendous. Why did she do it, because she was still hot when she did it, but then when she got it done, she became this beast that devours penis... instead of this hot chick who sucks it.

Odd thought, but blah!

The... Rugby League Is Dead In Melbourne

Sorry that I haven't written anything in the last few weeks. An absolute boatload of shit has hit our family hard the last few weeks, and it has been a bit tiring. For example:

1. My dad got hit by a car the other week. Luckily he is okay, but he was pretty sore for a while.
2. One of my cousins died the day that my dad got hit by the car.
3. Both of my kids got croup (for those that don't know that term, think 'whooping cough').
4. I have been sick.
5. My girlfriend has been ordered to court over custody of her son.
6. After going to my cousins funeral, my newly purchased car overheated to all fuck and is now essentially dead until we can get it fixed... which will most likely cost me a fair bit of money.
7. Another cousin who was like a brother to my other cousin who died... died. So that sucks ass.
8. And let's leave it at that for how shitty the last few weeks have been, but there is more.

But anyway, I just HAD to speak up about the Melbourne Storm. I hate the team with a passion, and so does my friend Matty who just had to call me up with the news that has made my day.

For those too lazy to click on the link above, the news that has made my day is that the Melbourne Storm have broken the salary cap. Wait, did I say broken? I meant absolutely raped the salary cap.

For five years, they have raped the cap by $1.7 million. This is incredibly funny, because in those five years, they had won two Premierships in the NRL competition. And this is funny... because those titles will now be stripped from them.

This is just more fire for AFL supporters in Victoria that Rugby League does not belong there. And it all falls on the Melbourne Storm.

The club will not survive. It is amazing that the fucking team survived as long as it did, and for that I suppose I should commend them... but I won't. I hate them with a passion after all.

What the NRL should do now, is get rid of the team and focus on building a team in the Central Coast which has been pushing for a side for many years, and is actually a Rugby League area. They love the sport there, as evidenced by the sold out crowds when South Sydney play there each year.

I guess... all I have to really say about the matter is:

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

The... Chat Roulette Is Nothing But Penis

I've only really discovered Chat Roulette recently since Merton started doing his Piano Improv videos. Since going onto it, i've come to realise two things. 

1. No one really wants to talk on there. So they quickly disconnect from your chat.
2. The only ones that want to talk are the penises.

I don't particularly like talking to penises... unless it is my own, and even then, it is mostly abuse. But still, what is the fascination with the site? People go on there and you'd think most would be expecting to talk... but no, they are there is see people with their dicks out. 

And if they aren't... then they never talk to you to disprove it.

The... Made A Little Girl Cry

So, the karaoke competition final was on last saturday. As seen in the previous post, the costumes that me and my friend were going to wear whilst we sang arrived. To say that the costumes went down well would be an understatement, as we got a bigger ovation than some people that could actually sing... which is all I wanted.

I knew we wouldn't win. I knew we can't sing for shit. To just be the most memorable people on the night is what I wanted, and we succeeded. We ran out for YMCA, to which I fucked up throughout the whole thing as I couldn't remember the order of the lyrics because the costume was too fucking hot and made me disoriented. 

The crowd cheered for that. But the night was ours when we did our signature version of the B-52's Rock Lobster. We danced like idiots, we had sweat dripping out of every pore. And then I dove off of the stage onto the ground (not exaggerating), and then ran into the crowd with a megaphone (which was hard because of the amount of people there and the small amount of space available), and whilst doing this I ran and stopped near a little girl... who cried like a little girl!

Imagine that!

I had to apologize once we were finished though. Apparently she enjoyed it when the giant bunny man was on the stage, but she was rather freaked out when he dove off of the stage and then essentially ran straight towards her screaming and flailing its arms about the place.

I should have the video shortly. My friends filmed it, and i'll be grabbing it off of them at some point to get a copy. Should be good, stay tuned!

The... Costumes Have Arrived

So, I received my costume for the karaoke final the other day, whilst my friend got his a few days beforehand. If you remember the preview image I did, then you'll be thrilled to see the images below.

The... Cheap Snuggie

My parents bought me a cheap knockoff version of a Snuggie, because I usually sit at my computer with a blanket over my legs to keep warm. I hate the Snuggie. I think it is the most stupid ass backwards invention ever, made for idiots.

I just tried the thing on. My back was cold. You know how I attempted to fix this problem?

I turned the fucker around and tried to wear it like a robe which it essentially is. It didn't sit on my shoulders properly, kept sliding off and then to top it off because of the way that the thing is shaped, my entire chest was exposed and cold.

Whoever came up with this thing is a total failure. They failed at making a blanket, and they failed at making a robe. Two of the most simple things to make. You could make a blanket from some newspapers, which is why a homeless person is more inventive than the person who invented the Snuggie.

So, now I am nice and warm. You know how I have made myself warm? It sure as hell isn't with a Snuggie. I'm wearing a robe. Holy crap is it comfortable, and warm. Whoever came up with this thing is a genius.

Suck on that, Snuggie!

The... My Humour Isn't Accessible

Since I uploaded the Conan VS Leno video, I have tried to do other things on my YouTube account that I thought people would enjoy. Considering one features ninjas, and the other features TRON... I thought they'd get a few hits... which I completely forgot to add here the other day.

Especially the TRON one since the new trailer for the sequel was coming out within a day or two of me putting my video up, and I was hoping to catch a few views from that.

Instead, they've barely got any. Why?

Is my sense of humour so clouded and inaccessible to others that people aren't getting the humour in the videos I have uploaded? I think my ideas are funny and so do some of my friends who have a similar taste of humour to me, so maybe that is it.

I come up with these ideas and run with them, and they just aren't funny to the majority of people who inhabit the internet.

Well damnit! I'm going to crack this stupid thing that they calls the interweb, and when I do... I will come after you, you cunt.

Uhhh.... sorry.

The... Mega Powers

This post has nothing to do with one of the biggest team-ups of 80's wrestlers ever... this is actually about the karaoke final that me and my friend have made it into. We are planning to go all out for this thing to try and win (because we can't sing for shit) and the point of the title for this post is that I started writing Mega Phones, and then decided to write, Mega Powers. So, that is to clear that up.

Anyway, like I said, we are planning to go all out for this competition. We've got costumes ordered; I have just received the two mega phones that I ordered so we can go out into the crowd and sing instead of standing on stage like you're supposed to for karaoke; and finally we have at least one of the two songs selected that we shall be doing.

I whipped something up in photoshop to illustrate what I believe the event will look like, as those are the costumes we're wearing, and it is the song we will be doing:

And yes, I do expect it to look at least this gay. I expect it to get a whole lot more gayer looking at some point. But really, how much more gayer can it get than Gumby and the Easter Bunny singing Y.M.C.A for a karaoke competition with mega-phones whilst also dressed like the Village People? 

I don't think it is physically possible to get any more gayer than that.

The... Upcoming Crap

Thought I'd just take the time to make a post about what I have planned for this blog in the next few weeks or months or whatever. To start off, I haven't been enthused to write anything really this month because of shit happening. So sorry about that.

Moving on, I will be starting to do some reviews of various "games" and "movies" that I always see online in my ongoing quest for weird shit to talk about on this site. For example, I have seen this game called 'Guilty Train Molester Man 2' a number of times at various forums where you can download cracked games and so forth... and my mind just sits there and wonders aloud: what the fuck?!

Is that not one of the strangest titles you have seen for a computer game? It shouldn't come as no surprise though that the game comes from Japan, where there is an ongoing epidemic of men molesting people on trains daily. This game is probably based upon a true story.

To top it off though, it is a fucking sequel! Can you believe that the first one sold enough to justify the creation of a second installment? Wow... the first one must be fucking awesome, because I haven't seen a third one, so maybe this second one isn't that good. We'll see when I eventually get around to downloading it and playing through it.

Apart from that, I will continue to look for bad porn to post, and I will get around to making a new installment in the 'Series of Personal Challenges' that I started a while ago now. I just need to come up with something worthy so that the French people who enjoyed me trying to gratify myself will enjoy it.

The... Quarter of a Century

So, I had my 25th birthday yesterday. I hate birthdays now, as it just reminds me that I am getting older, and my body is not what it used to be.

For instance, I have a bad back problem, my knees are almost shot, at the moment my foot hurts, I have a massive amount of grey hair and my vision is going to shit. All this in only 25 years, so I'd hate to think what my body will be like when I hit 30, let alone any older. I must be one of the roughest looking guys around my age.

What did I do to celebrate yesterday? Nothing except the usual shit I do every day, which is take care of my kids and then when I have them settled enough for them not to be annoying for 5 minutes, I get on the computer and surf the net... mostly for weird porn for this site's segment 'Worst Porn I Can Find Today'.

Though, my girlfriend did surprise me with a little party. Nothing special or anything, but it was nice. I can't be bothered to write anything else right now, i'll update the site properly tomorrow.

The... How The Fuck Did We Win?

I just got back from a local karaoke competition in which people from the surrounding regions and Sydney were entered in it, as me and my friend got drawn on the first night of the comp.

Somehow, we just won our spot in the final. We can't really sing, we're okay, but alot of other people sing much better than we do. The only thing we do, is act like complete fucking tools. For instance, we've been known over the years at karaoke for a number of songs.

First off, we were popular because we did 'Gay Bar' by Electric Six and we just act like dicks in it, even going so far to dress like the dude from the video clip (if you haven't seen the clip, imagine Abraham Lincoln in exercise gear and/or bondage). Then we started to do alot of different rap songs, eventually doing 'Baby Got Back' by Sir Mixalot (who doesn't seem to be mixing much these days...), and doing it so well that we know the timing off by heart and know when a karaoke file is off by even a millisecond.

Now, we're known for 'Rock Lobster' by the B-52's, and we act like complete and utter dickheads in that one. My friend kicks me off the stage (if we're on one) or a speaker (if there is one on the stage) and then I crawl around on my back screaming and doing the chick parts from the song.

Tonight, we carried on a box full of invisible seatbelts so people could come up and get one to strap themselves in, and I dressed in my captains shirt as seen in the profile photo in the upper right of this site. Oh, and we used the name that we came up with for our duet name thing... Jarthew Patanus, which is a combination of our two names in a weird way.

Anyway, us doing these things have got us into the final, and now in the running to win $1800 if we come first, $800 if we come second or $400 if we come third. If we somehow win, we're going to start seeing if we can get gigs at the local pubs... because we are fuckwits.

There was a fat lady who complained about us winning. It was pretty funny.

I should have a video soon that my friends wife took from the back of the room (you fail to see me for most of the song), so I will put it up when I get it.

Oh, and when we arrived tonight... there was a dead lady in the parking lot.

The... Not Fucking Ninjas

I made a video the other day that i've now posted on YouTube, where i'm going off about some scenes in the American Ninja movies. I had been meaning to do the video for a while, and even took the scenes from the movies I talk about and show a fair while ago now, but never got around to actually doing the other bit because my microphone was fucked.

In the end, I ended up just filming myself with my phone and put it together with the footage. Hopefully it will get as popular as my last video, but I doubt it will. Ninjas don't seem to be as cool these days in the interweb. Take a look below.

The... Might Get Arrested For This Post

I have just read an article stating that the Australian government have now banned any depictions of A-cup sized breasts in adult publications and films. Seeing that I am an Australian citizen, and I like smaller breasts, I am pissed off that I might get arrested for looking at a chick with smaller boobs. Seriously, what the fuck?

Also of note is that female ejaculation is also now banned because it is 'abhorrent'. I can't remember what that word means, and I cannot be bothered looking it up in an online dictionary, but I know that it isn't good. Is that essentially banning anything with Alisha Klass, because she squirts all the fucking time...

So yeah, fuck you Australian government! I like small boobs, and to prove it, there are some after the NSFW jump.

The... This Is The Wrong Future

I was watching a video on YouTube from 'Back To The Future Part II' right now, and an idea struck me on how they should do a sequel in the next few years if they so want to.

As most people know, the BTTF movies featured Marty McFly traveling from 1985 to various points in time using his friends time traveling DeLorean. One of the times that he traveled to was 2015, which we are nearly at. So... what were to happen when in the normal time frame, the 2015 of the second movie did not occur?

I'm pretty sure that the whole trying to set things right in the previous movies were all for naught if the future doesn't occur like it did, with hovercars, controlling the weather (or just being able to predict it really well) and funky future clothes... oh, and a Mattel Hoverboard.

The past has constantly given us false hope about the future. When I was a kid, I was guaranteed to be living in an underwater bubble city, or a moon-based bubble city, or a regular bubble city. But no, none of that.

Imagine how disappointed Marty will be when he sees the future of today. Bleak, un-vibrant clothes. Wars. No Cubs win over a Miami baseball team (who the fuck are the Gators anyway?).

His whole expectations of the future are gone out the window. Especially when he contracted Parkinsons Disease in the mid-90s. Really, the only thing they can do is another sequel.

Bring back Doc with a brand new DeLorean, and get him to enlist Marty to save the future by going into the past to correct whatever the hell made the future not happen how it was supposed to. I want freaking hoverboards, and games where you don't use your hands, and weird bottles of Pepsi that look impossible to open. And I want the real fucking Max Headroom damnit, not some cheesy imitation!

The... Mr Coco Part 2

I thought i'd write a second post about my recent video regarding the Late Night Wars, as it has become slightly popular the last few days. At present it has gone up to 130,000 views, mainly because it was put up on the Time magazine website in an article about the 10 best things about the war, and was the first entry.

I've noticed that there is also another translation video up (which I won't link to), that uses a few of the same ideas that I used, naming Conan as Coco and Leno as Lennon, but it does it really poorly. You can't see the text at most times because they chose to do the subtitles in white, without any stroke or shadow to it whatsoever, so when the screen goes white, you can't read at all.

The person who made it commented in the comments thread (when I saw it, they had made about 8 of the 13 comments themselves), that CNN "called" because they liked their video. But a quick search with their video title and CNN simply shows an iReport thing (which anyone can do, the trick is to get it vetted allowing CNN to use the item on air), where the person describes what they did.

You know, I hate to be a jerk, but saying that CNN called about your video and then all it is, is that you've just done some thing for a part of the CNN website that anyone can do... well, it's kind of bad form. Right?

That's like me saying that some porn website called because they liked my Auto Fellation challenge video and then all I did is post it on RedTube or something... well, that's bad form. It's the same sort of thing, isn't it?

The... Worst Porn I Had On My Hard Drive

I wanted to add this to my continuing series of 'worst porn', but to be fair... I already had this entry on my computer. So, this isn't an official entry to the series, but a side dish if you'd like to call it that. NSFW after the jump.

The... Worst Porn I Can Find Today: Part 8

Holy shit! I think I have found one of the creepiest pieces of porn I think I'm ever going to see.

Ask someone to name something that they are afraid of, and alot of people might happen to say 'spiders'. Well, how about watching a spider-lady thing totally fucking a dude, and blowing him and everything? Oh shit yeah, that's exactly what i've found. After the jump, and NSFW.

The... French Must Like Blowing Themselves

I was just taking a look at the videos i've uploaded to Youtube, and the statistics available from the insight thing. Well, it shouldn't really surprise me that the videos haven't really received that many views altogether, as I haven't really tried to advertise them.

One thing that I found odd is that the majority of viewers for my Auto-Fellation challenge video are from France. And i'm really not kidding whatsoever about that. Almost 70% to 80% of the viewers that have sat down, clicked on the video and watched me try to give myself oral gratification are French.

French people, you sicken me. Stop watching me with your dirty eyes and unkempt berets... my body is not for sale! :(

The... Mr Coco

For those following the whole late night stuff that is happening, you will now know that Jay Leno is being moved back to 'The Tonight Show' and Conan O'Brien has been paid roughly $30 million, and is allowed to move to another network, most likely being FOX.

Conan showed on his show a video that has popped up on the internet showing a Taiwanese news report (though it has been incorrectly attributed to the Chinese), where they have made a 3D re-enactment detailing the whole story of what is happening.

The problem is that it is in Taiwanese... so alot of English speaking people cannot understand it in the proper context of what it is, because it involves Conan turning into the Incredible Hulk, and other things of that nature.

Well, if you've seen the video and been wondering what it says, then don't worry about not understanding Taiwanese... as I have graciously translated it into English for the public at large.

My god that video is insane. I love it. I like the way that it is utterly insane, yet it completely tells you everything that you want to know about the situation... well, until it devolves into the respected parties turning into superheroes and fighting physically that is.

Update: So, the video is now around 60,000 views, easily making it my most popular video to date. It was only at about 11,000 yesterday when it suddenly got a massive jump in views. I've now found out that the views are mostly from Time.com, where it was featured in a 'Top 10 Moments from the Late Night Wars' segment and was embedded on the site instead of the original video.

So that is awesome. Thank you Time.

The... Spider-Man Is Dead

So the big movie news at the moment it seems is the fact that Spider-Man 4 has been canceled, and in it's place, a reboot which will see Spidey back in high school and showing us (again) how he gets his powers. Great.

I already saw that movie. It was called Spider-Man and it was only released less than a decade ago.

Anyway, i've noticed a few blogs and so forth going on that Sony might try to get James Cameron to do the reboot, and after him having both the number one and number two top grossing movies of all time under his belt, it isn't that stupid to be thinking of getting him.

Problem is if they even tried to, he most likely wouldn't accept as he has already given it a shot at making Spider-Man. As this article from Tech Land shows, a few of his storyboards have made their way on line. The article talks up some of the ideas for the movie such as Peter Parker being all aggressive because of his Uncle's death, and even going so far as to include a sex scene between Spidey and Mary Jane.

It seems that they only heard this third hand and don't really know much about it considering the article. You see, back in the early 1990's, Fox had the rights to Spider-Man and Cameron was approached to do the movie. He worked on it for a while and you can find his script treatment that he did out on the net. He came up with a multitude of ideas for the movie, and many people think that Raimi took alot of the ideas for the movie that he eventually directed.

This isn't true. In the first Spider-Man movie, only one idea apart from the core Spider-Man mythology stuck. Biological Web-Shooters. Cameron thought the idea that a rather ordinary teenager (he is, regardless of how intelligent he is) could not conceivably come up with a super-adhesive that mimicked spider webbing.

How could he create that shit? It's a stupid idea that he did so in the comics. The only reason it was in the comics is so they could create tension by having him need to reload a cartridge into a web shooter when he ran out. Especially when he is falling.

The idea to just have him develop biological web shooters was brilliant and it isn't any wonder why they kept it. I'm pretty sure they've even put it into the comics now, but I haven't read a Spidey comic for many years now, so I can't say.

Why didn't Cameron end up making the movie? Because of rights issues or something, I can't remember that well what happened. I believe that Fox eventually lost the rights to the movie, which were later picked up by Sony who went on to make the film trilogy. When he lost the chance to do Spider-Man (something that he had apparently tried to get underway a few times), he developed his own comic book like superhero, except he made it a superheroine... thus was born another reason that made it hard to find the awesome Dolph Lundgren movie... Dark Angel.

It is similar to how Sam Raimi, when failing to acquire the rights to make a movie about 'The Shadow', he decided to make his own superhero movie, and thus was born Darkman. The difference between Dark Angel and Darkman was that Darkman was actually good, whereas Dark Angel relied on Jessica Alba's body.

The... Worst Porn I Can Find Today: Part 7

In my town, there isn't much to do to occupy yourself unless you stay in and watch a movie or play a game or something. However, karaoke is pretty big in this town and so a few nights a week, some of the pubs will have a regular karaoke night.

I went out to one last night and along with my friend, we made people envious of our remarkable singing ability. Sorry, I lied... we can't sing for shit, but people are still somewhat in awe about our singing, because we just act like complete dickheads and make it entertaining for the crowd when we get called out for our turn.

But i'll leave the details about karaoke and my abilities to rock the socks off of people's cocks... another time. Right now, you're here for some bad porn... the worst porn I can find today.

And oddly enough, I didn't find this... I took the photo. You see, the reason why I opened this post with the whole karaoke spiel is the fact that last night, I ended up taking a photo of a local chick who was getting her boobs out. She is known in town as 'Mudbucket'... apparently because fucking her is like fucking a bucket of mud. But yeah, she's fucking horrible... so without further ado, the picture is after the jump and is NSFW.

The... Worst Porn I Can Find Today: Part 6

Sometimes you stumble across things that are horrific in nature, and make you want to cut out your eyes.

Today's porn that I found is like that.

Take note that I wasn't actually looking for anything for this segment, and just stumbled across this. It isn't a video and is just an animated gif, but i'm pretty sure that if I looked hard enough, I could find the full movie. I don't want to look for the full movie though because it looks bad enough as a short animation.

Since it is NSFW, it is after the jump.

The... Conan

Considering that the first post for this site was about the untalented hack Jimmy Fallon taking over Late Night, it isn't hard to tell that I'm a fan of Conan O'Brien. His late night show was the first one that I could actually be bothered watching, and that led me to watch and appreciate David Letterman, and then to a lesser extent, look at past shows of Johnny Carson.

So to see one of the funniest television personalities get screwed over by NBC and Jay Leno, who are notorious for doing this sort of shit, well... it just makes me fucking pissed.

The guy has taken over the Tonight Show, and is struggling to hold onto ratings because he has no lead-in whatsoever, because Jay Leno is also an untalented hack. If they gave him something else apart from Jay Leno to follow, then maybe he might be getting ratings similar to what Leno had been getting.

Now it seems Conan is leaving NBC and will be going to a different network. First Letterman, and now Conan. Wow, NBC are really bad at losing really talented people to other networks.

The... Show Some Tit

I've just finished watching Avatar, and have to say that the movie is pretty good and that is from watching a shitty copy that some dude filmed in a cinema in Germany. The special effects are great, the story is good, and the action is some of the best that James Cameron has put to film.

One thing that I don't understand though is that with all the realistic special effects that they made for the movie, they couldn't seem to create any realistic moving fabric for the loincloths of the Na'vi.

I know that sounds weird, but think about it.

You have these realistic depictions of this alien race, from head to toe, they are remarkably lifelike. The entire world that was created for the movie is living and breathing, and you could be mistaken to think that this entire world actually exists and Cameron just went there to film.

But then, the shit that the Na'vi wear doesn't really move off of their bodies. The loin cloths of the dudes don't move away from their junk which it would in real life, and especially with all their flying around and going at weird angles and shit. I mean, come on.

And then the women have all these ornamental things covering their boobs, and they don't move off of their tits at all. Seriously... watch a documentary with some African tribes people in it, and tell me how fucking well their ornamental shit and loincloths stay attached to their bodies. The picture below is the closest you probably get to see of any tit (you can sort of see her nipples), but when it gets closer, you see it is all just ornament shit.

If you're gonna make everything so fucking lifelike, then how about some tit? Hmm?

The... Seems He Hasn't Learnt Yet

Okay, seems that this happened a fair while ago I think (not sure)... and what do you know? The kid from the last post already received abusive phone calls and having his pictures put up on 4chan. I mean seriously, did he really not understand what he was getting into? I'm gonna have to look into this more, as this is brllnt!

In his latest video (well, as far as I know, below), he says he is going to take down m00t, the guy who created 4chan who also happens to be TIME Magazines 'Most Influential Person of the Year' award winner. How did some anonymous guy become the winner over people like Barack Obama and others of that ilk? Easy... he created 4chan, and 4chan made him the most influential person of the year by voting.

Update: Bwahahaha... this is fucking classic.

The... Kid Has Probably Learnt A Valuable Lesson

So I was viewing the internet last night, and I found this video of a 10/11 year old kid "challenging" 4chan. Last night the video only had about two thousand views, but as of my writing this, it is up over 34,000 views, with about six thousand comments all threatening this kid.

I don't think he realises what a stupid idea challenging 4chan is. Those guys will ruin his poor fragile mind (one that apparently supports god and scientology... wtf?). He believes that he will succeed in getting 4chan shut down and have someone named 'anonymous' arrested, all because he has god on his side.

Okay kid, here is a few pointers on what is going to happen:

1. One of the ten commandments is 'thou shalt not worship false idols'... so saying that you like Scientology which is a seperate religion which denounces god and so forth would probably be pissing off your 'god'. So I doubt 'god' is on your side... seeing as 'god' doesn't exist anyway.
   
2. The posters at 4chan are going to find your address, and most likely all details about your life thus far.
3. They will spread this information across the internet.
4. They will then proceed to order about 300 pizzas from a local pizza shop in your town, all in your name, and have them delivered to your door.
5. You will then have a massive bill in your name to pay up.
6. You will most likely then be arrested for suspicion of distributing child pornography and your families name will be tarnished forever.
7. Then they will photoshop someone pooing into your mouth.

Mark this as the day that joshchristian100 was put in the sites of the strangest collection of web posters ever formed.