The... Lindsay Lovelace

So, there is apparently a biopic about to come out based upon the life of porn actress Linda Lovelace. She is most famous as the star of the 70's cult porn film, Deepthroat, from which the informant of Woodward and Bernstein of the whole Watergate fiasco got their dirt of Nixon.

The movie is about a woman who goes to the doctor because she cannot have an orgasm. What they find is that her clitoris is in her throat...

...that's right, you read that correct. Her clitoris is in her throat.

What follows is pretty much shot after shot of her ramming cocks down her throat. And this was the movie that was shown nationwide in the United States in most mainstream cinemas, and had hundreds of A-list celebrities at it's premiere. Weird.

Anyway, i'm bringing this up because of the actress that is going to be portraying Lovelace is the one, the only...

...which is going to be hilarious. Why is it going to be hilarious?

Mainly because of the fact that Linda Lovelace had one incredibly fucked up life, and that is saying a fair bit considering how fucked up pornstar's lives usually are. To start off, if this movie is going to follow her life according to her, she is going to be drugged and forced into pornography by her husband. And that is only the start.

Next up, she is going to fuck a dog.

Excuse me? Did you think I made a spelling mistake? Well... fuck you, I didn't! When I say she fucked a dog... I mean, she got down on all fours and let a dog fuck her. And there is video evidence of it as well. It was eventually released to the masses under some name like Beastly Desires 2 or something like it. I'm pretty sure i'm not exaggerating the number of it either.

She later went on to become a massive junkie, and then found god. After which she promptly died in a fiery car wreck.

So, let's recap some things we might see Lindsay do for this film:

1. Deepthroating.
2. Porn.
3. Having sex with a dog.
4. Doing drugs (I highly doubt she would ever really do drugs...........)
5. Become a massive junkie.
6. Die in a fiery car wreck.

She has done at least three on this list in her own life. So, no wonder why she is starring in a Lovelace biopic. Good casting.

The... Jameson

Jenna Jameson is in the news because Tito Ortiz apparently beat the fuck out of her. As evidenced by the photo on the right, she doesn't look that bad. In fact, that photo happens to be the most she has looked like her old self for a long fucking time.

Seriously. There was at one point, a time when she was massively attractive and uber-hot... and that is mainly the reason she became such a big pornstar, and the fact that she could suck dick really good, I suppose.

But that was then, and now, she always looks like a plastic freak with massive pouting lips. It is horrendous. Why did she do it, because she was still hot when she did it, but then when she got it done, she became this beast that devours penis... instead of this hot chick who sucks it.

Odd thought, but blah!

The... Upcoming Crap

Thought I'd just take the time to make a post about what I have planned for this blog in the next few weeks or months or whatever. To start off, I haven't been enthused to write anything really this month because of shit happening. So sorry about that.

Moving on, I will be starting to do some reviews of various "games" and "movies" that I always see online in my ongoing quest for weird shit to talk about on this site. For example, I have seen this game called 'Guilty Train Molester Man 2' a number of times at various forums where you can download cracked games and so forth... and my mind just sits there and wonders aloud: what the fuck?!

Is that not one of the strangest titles you have seen for a computer game? It shouldn't come as no surprise though that the game comes from Japan, where there is an ongoing epidemic of men molesting people on trains daily. This game is probably based upon a true story.

To top it off though, it is a fucking sequel! Can you believe that the first one sold enough to justify the creation of a second installment? Wow... the first one must be fucking awesome, because I haven't seen a third one, so maybe this second one isn't that good. We'll see when I eventually get around to downloading it and playing through it.

Apart from that, I will continue to look for bad porn to post, and I will get around to making a new installment in the 'Series of Personal Challenges' that I started a while ago now. I just need to come up with something worthy so that the French people who enjoyed me trying to gratify myself will enjoy it.

The... Might Get Arrested For This Post

I have just read an article stating that the Australian government have now banned any depictions of A-cup sized breasts in adult publications and films. Seeing that I am an Australian citizen, and I like smaller breasts, I am pissed off that I might get arrested for looking at a chick with smaller boobs. Seriously, what the fuck?

Also of note is that female ejaculation is also now banned because it is 'abhorrent'. I can't remember what that word means, and I cannot be bothered looking it up in an online dictionary, but I know that it isn't good. Is that essentially banning anything with Alisha Klass, because she squirts all the fucking time...

So yeah, fuck you Australian government! I like small boobs, and to prove it, there are some after the NSFW jump.

The... Worst Porn I Can Find Today: Part 6

Sometimes you stumble across things that are horrific in nature, and make you want to cut out your eyes.

Today's porn that I found is like that.

Take note that I wasn't actually looking for anything for this segment, and just stumbled across this. It isn't a video and is just an animated gif, but i'm pretty sure that if I looked hard enough, I could find the full movie. I don't want to look for the full movie though because it looks bad enough as a short animation.

Since it is NSFW, it is after the jump.

The... Worst Porn I Can Find Today: Part 5

Today's entry is a little different, as it isn't a single video. In my everlasting quest to find some strange and weird porn for this segment, I have found a number of porn search engines that deal with the subject matter, such as Cliphunter.com and AskJolene.com.

Now I have found another, which helpfully categorizes searches for popular terms. Want a video that features Sauna's? It has a category. And so on.

So, going through this helpful directory of categories, I came across what I believe to be the crowning achievement of 'Worst Porn':

Amputee Porn. There is only a few videos in the listing (including the video I had seen previously and meant  to include in this segment), but at least it is a start. We can't shame the countless amputee women in the world into not wanting to make porn. They should be free to do so, right?

The... Worst Porn I Can Find Today: Part 1

You may be thinking that the title of this post is odd. Well, you're quite right. It really fucking is.

Everyone has done it. They've looked at porn. Whether it be involuntary or you're actively looking for it, if you have been on the internet for more than a minute, you've seen some porn... and in many cases, it was probably bad porn.

So that is the goal of this post, I will take a look around on the internet and find some bad porn. I know you want to watch it, because everyone is compelled to watch bad porn when they see it advertised. I'm not going out to find the most disgusting things I can find, just the worst somewhat normal porn you can find. So, bondage shit will most likely appear numerous times for this soon-to-be regular segment.

And as it is porn, it is most likely going to be NSFW, so these videos will always appear after the jump.