The... Worst Porn I Can Find Today: Part 7

In my town, there isn't much to do to occupy yourself unless you stay in and watch a movie or play a game or something. However, karaoke is pretty big in this town and so a few nights a week, some of the pubs will have a regular karaoke night.

I went out to one last night and along with my friend, we made people envious of our remarkable singing ability. Sorry, I lied... we can't sing for shit, but people are still somewhat in awe about our singing, because we just act like complete dickheads and make it entertaining for the crowd when we get called out for our turn.

But i'll leave the details about karaoke and my abilities to rock the socks off of people's cocks... another time. Right now, you're here for some bad porn... the worst porn I can find today.

And oddly enough, I didn't find this... I took the photo. You see, the reason why I opened this post with the whole karaoke spiel is the fact that last night, I ended up taking a photo of a local chick who was getting her boobs out. She is known in town as 'Mudbucket'... apparently because fucking her is like fucking a bucket of mud. But yeah, she's fucking horrible... so without further ado, the picture is after the jump and is NSFW.

The... Night The Reindeer Died

I have just spotted a 'Top 14 Fake Movies from Real Movies' list over at filmcritic.com. You know, movies that the filmmakers come up with for characters in the movie or television show to see that don't actually exist in real life. An example would be the Space Mutant movies from the early seasons of 'The Simpsons'.

Anyway, I immediately went through it to spot if a certain movie made the list. Which it didn't. How could you do a list like this without listing 'The Night The Reindeer Died' from the immortal Christmas tale, Scrooged? Let's take a look:

How the hell did that not make the list? It has everything:

1. Santa.
2. Elves.
3. Terrorists attacking Santa's workshop at the North Pole.
4. Lee Majors (the Six Million Dollar Man!)
5. Lee Majors blowing terrorists away with a mini-gun!

What the fuck were the people who wrote that article for filmcritic on? How could you be working for a site like that, and not list this classic fake movie from one of the better christmas movies of the last few decades, starring Bill Murray who was in his critical and box office prime at the time?

It's fucking bizarre.

The... Worst Porn I Can Find Today: Part 5

Today's entry is a little different, as it isn't a single video. In my everlasting quest to find some strange and weird porn for this segment, I have found a number of porn search engines that deal with the subject matter, such as Cliphunter.com and AskJolene.com.

Now I have found another, which helpfully categorizes searches for popular terms. Want a video that features Sauna's? It has a category. And so on.

So, going through this helpful directory of categories, I came across what I believe to be the crowning achievement of 'Worst Porn':

Amputee Porn. There is only a few videos in the listing (including the video I had seen previously and meant  to include in this segment), but at least it is a start. We can't shame the countless amputee women in the world into not wanting to make porn. They should be free to do so, right?

The... Old School Awesomeness

I am an old school gamer, and have fond memories of playing various gaming machines since I was very young. From the Milton Bradley Vectrex (which is currently sitting in my cupboard) to the Commodore 64 to the Sega Master System and so forth, I love my old school games and forever will.

So it isn't that much of a surprise that when I came across this website today, I blew a load.

Not only can you find multiple instances of old school gaming that you can play within your browser, but i've come across movies, tv shows, programs, e-books and more.

First thing I loaded up was Wonder Boy 3: The Dragon's Trap for the Master System. Which is one game that I absolutely loved growing up. I never bought it, but constantly hired it out from the local video shop. If I had saved the money that I used to hire it out, I could have bought a few copies (which is what I also could have done with Wrestlemania 2000 on the N64).

  

Next up for me is probably to play some of the old DOS games they have. I've spotted Scorched Earth and Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, so I might play them ones.

I'm pretty sure that i'll be fucking around on this website for a long time. So if nothing gets posted within the next few days, you know the reason why.

The... How Long Could You Survive A Gay Bar Fight Armed Only With Assless Chaps?

I've only just came across this website, which has one of the longest domain names I think i've ever seen.

How Long Could You Survive A Gay Bar Fight Armed Only With Assless Chaps?

That is comedic genius at it's best. It asks you the simple question of 'how long you can survive in a gay bar fight armed only with assless chaps?' and it does it well.

Update: I am so disappointed that the domain name now just redirects to a much smaller domain name, which is nowhere near the comedic genius that it previously was. So sad. :(

The... GeoCities

Oh no, GeoCities is closing down? I didn't hear until it just now. No longer will I have to wade through countless websites made by people back in 1999 who had no fucking idea how to make a site, and thought all you needed were thousands of animated gif's and no content whatsoever!

I remember my first GeoCities page... actually, no I don't, because I actually could be bothered when I didn't have money for a website to go and look for a free service that was worth it. FreeWebs for one, and even Angelfire at one point, for instance.

I hope that along with GeoCities, the countless thousands of morons who invested countless hours through that site die.

The... I Hate Clowns

I just found a website that I had not visited for roughly 10 years. I didn't think it was actually still online. That website is, of course, IHateClowns.com.

I have hated clowns ever since I saw the movie 'IT', just like a lot of people who were young and saw the mini-series starring Tim Curry, for the first time in the early 1990's. I hate them to hell. I'm particularly slightly frightened of the more creepy looking/acting ones.

That is why back in about 1999, when I stumbled across this website, I became a member and used the site's limited email service. This was back when the major free email service was still Hotmail, and you had something like 10MB for your inbox.

Don't know why i'm bringing all this up. Think it just made me feel all fuzzy like inside to see a website that i thought had died, still kicking it around on the internet.

I tried my old email address and login, to see if maybe I was still a registered user of their email service, but alas... I am not. I was thinking about creating a new email address there, until I realised that their service isn't quite free anymore. Shame.

The... Domain

I have just purchased the domain, CaptainXenu.com. Exciting... no?