The... Made A Little Girl Cry

So, the karaoke competition final was on last saturday. As seen in the previous post, the costumes that me and my friend were going to wear whilst we sang arrived. To say that the costumes went down well would be an understatement, as we got a bigger ovation than some people that could actually sing... which is all I wanted.

I knew we wouldn't win. I knew we can't sing for shit. To just be the most memorable people on the night is what I wanted, and we succeeded. We ran out for YMCA, to which I fucked up throughout the whole thing as I couldn't remember the order of the lyrics because the costume was too fucking hot and made me disoriented. 

The crowd cheered for that. But the night was ours when we did our signature version of the B-52's Rock Lobster. We danced like idiots, we had sweat dripping out of every pore. And then I dove off of the stage onto the ground (not exaggerating), and then ran into the crowd with a megaphone (which was hard because of the amount of people there and the small amount of space available), and whilst doing this I ran and stopped near a little girl... who cried like a little girl!

Imagine that!

I had to apologize once we were finished though. Apparently she enjoyed it when the giant bunny man was on the stage, but she was rather freaked out when he dove off of the stage and then essentially ran straight towards her screaming and flailing its arms about the place.

I should have the video shortly. My friends filmed it, and i'll be grabbing it off of them at some point to get a copy. Should be good, stay tuned!

The... Costumes Have Arrived

So, I received my costume for the karaoke final the other day, whilst my friend got his a few days beforehand. If you remember the preview image I did, then you'll be thrilled to see the images below.

The... Cheap Snuggie

My parents bought me a cheap knockoff version of a Snuggie, because I usually sit at my computer with a blanket over my legs to keep warm. I hate the Snuggie. I think it is the most stupid ass backwards invention ever, made for idiots.

I just tried the thing on. My back was cold. You know how I attempted to fix this problem?

I turned the fucker around and tried to wear it like a robe which it essentially is. It didn't sit on my shoulders properly, kept sliding off and then to top it off because of the way that the thing is shaped, my entire chest was exposed and cold.

Whoever came up with this thing is a total failure. They failed at making a blanket, and they failed at making a robe. Two of the most simple things to make. You could make a blanket from some newspapers, which is why a homeless person is more inventive than the person who invented the Snuggie.

So, now I am nice and warm. You know how I have made myself warm? It sure as hell isn't with a Snuggie. I'm wearing a robe. Holy crap is it comfortable, and warm. Whoever came up with this thing is a genius.

Suck on that, Snuggie!

The... My Humour Isn't Accessible

Since I uploaded the Conan VS Leno video, I have tried to do other things on my YouTube account that I thought people would enjoy. Considering one features ninjas, and the other features TRON... I thought they'd get a few hits... which I completely forgot to add here the other day.

Especially the TRON one since the new trailer for the sequel was coming out within a day or two of me putting my video up, and I was hoping to catch a few views from that.

Instead, they've barely got any. Why?

Is my sense of humour so clouded and inaccessible to others that people aren't getting the humour in the videos I have uploaded? I think my ideas are funny and so do some of my friends who have a similar taste of humour to me, so maybe that is it.

I come up with these ideas and run with them, and they just aren't funny to the majority of people who inhabit the internet.

Well damnit! I'm going to crack this stupid thing that they calls the interweb, and when I do... I will come after you, you cunt.

Uhhh.... sorry.

The... Mega Powers

This post has nothing to do with one of the biggest team-ups of 80's wrestlers ever... this is actually about the karaoke final that me and my friend have made it into. We are planning to go all out for this thing to try and win (because we can't sing for shit) and the point of the title for this post is that I started writing Mega Phones, and then decided to write, Mega Powers. So, that is to clear that up.

Anyway, like I said, we are planning to go all out for this competition. We've got costumes ordered; I have just received the two mega phones that I ordered so we can go out into the crowd and sing instead of standing on stage like you're supposed to for karaoke; and finally we have at least one of the two songs selected that we shall be doing.

I whipped something up in photoshop to illustrate what I believe the event will look like, as those are the costumes we're wearing, and it is the song we will be doing:

And yes, I do expect it to look at least this gay. I expect it to get a whole lot more gayer looking at some point. But really, how much more gayer can it get than Gumby and the Easter Bunny singing Y.M.C.A for a karaoke competition with mega-phones whilst also dressed like the Village People? 

I don't think it is physically possible to get any more gayer than that.

The... Upcoming Crap

Thought I'd just take the time to make a post about what I have planned for this blog in the next few weeks or months or whatever. To start off, I haven't been enthused to write anything really this month because of shit happening. So sorry about that.

Moving on, I will be starting to do some reviews of various "games" and "movies" that I always see online in my ongoing quest for weird shit to talk about on this site. For example, I have seen this game called 'Guilty Train Molester Man 2' a number of times at various forums where you can download cracked games and so forth... and my mind just sits there and wonders aloud: what the fuck?!

Is that not one of the strangest titles you have seen for a computer game? It shouldn't come as no surprise though that the game comes from Japan, where there is an ongoing epidemic of men molesting people on trains daily. This game is probably based upon a true story.

To top it off though, it is a fucking sequel! Can you believe that the first one sold enough to justify the creation of a second installment? Wow... the first one must be fucking awesome, because I haven't seen a third one, so maybe this second one isn't that good. We'll see when I eventually get around to downloading it and playing through it.

Apart from that, I will continue to look for bad porn to post, and I will get around to making a new installment in the 'Series of Personal Challenges' that I started a while ago now. I just need to come up with something worthy so that the French people who enjoyed me trying to gratify myself will enjoy it.

The... Quarter of a Century

So, I had my 25th birthday yesterday. I hate birthdays now, as it just reminds me that I am getting older, and my body is not what it used to be.

For instance, I have a bad back problem, my knees are almost shot, at the moment my foot hurts, I have a massive amount of grey hair and my vision is going to shit. All this in only 25 years, so I'd hate to think what my body will be like when I hit 30, let alone any older. I must be one of the roughest looking guys around my age.

What did I do to celebrate yesterday? Nothing except the usual shit I do every day, which is take care of my kids and then when I have them settled enough for them not to be annoying for 5 minutes, I get on the computer and surf the net... mostly for weird porn for this site's segment 'Worst Porn I Can Find Today'.

Though, my girlfriend did surprise me with a little party. Nothing special or anything, but it was nice. I can't be bothered to write anything else right now, i'll update the site properly tomorrow.

The... How The Fuck Did We Win?

I just got back from a local karaoke competition in which people from the surrounding regions and Sydney were entered in it, as me and my friend got drawn on the first night of the comp.

Somehow, we just won our spot in the final. We can't really sing, we're okay, but alot of other people sing much better than we do. The only thing we do, is act like complete fucking tools. For instance, we've been known over the years at karaoke for a number of songs.

First off, we were popular because we did 'Gay Bar' by Electric Six and we just act like dicks in it, even going so far to dress like the dude from the video clip (if you haven't seen the clip, imagine Abraham Lincoln in exercise gear and/or bondage). Then we started to do alot of different rap songs, eventually doing 'Baby Got Back' by Sir Mixalot (who doesn't seem to be mixing much these days...), and doing it so well that we know the timing off by heart and know when a karaoke file is off by even a millisecond.

Now, we're known for 'Rock Lobster' by the B-52's, and we act like complete and utter dickheads in that one. My friend kicks me off the stage (if we're on one) or a speaker (if there is one on the stage) and then I crawl around on my back screaming and doing the chick parts from the song.

Tonight, we carried on a box full of invisible seatbelts so people could come up and get one to strap themselves in, and I dressed in my captains shirt as seen in the profile photo in the upper right of this site. Oh, and we used the name that we came up with for our duet name thing... Jarthew Patanus, which is a combination of our two names in a weird way.

Anyway, us doing these things have got us into the final, and now in the running to win $1800 if we come first, $800 if we come second or $400 if we come third. If we somehow win, we're going to start seeing if we can get gigs at the local pubs... because we are fuckwits.

There was a fat lady who complained about us winning. It was pretty funny.

I should have a video soon that my friends wife took from the back of the room (you fail to see me for most of the song), so I will put it up when I get it.

Oh, and when we arrived tonight... there was a dead lady in the parking lot.

The... Not Fucking Ninjas

I made a video the other day that i've now posted on YouTube, where i'm going off about some scenes in the American Ninja movies. I had been meaning to do the video for a while, and even took the scenes from the movies I talk about and show a fair while ago now, but never got around to actually doing the other bit because my microphone was fucked.

In the end, I ended up just filming myself with my phone and put it together with the footage. Hopefully it will get as popular as my last video, but I doubt it will. Ninjas don't seem to be as cool these days in the interweb. Take a look below.

The... Might Get Arrested For This Post

I have just read an article stating that the Australian government have now banned any depictions of A-cup sized breasts in adult publications and films. Seeing that I am an Australian citizen, and I like smaller breasts, I am pissed off that I might get arrested for looking at a chick with smaller boobs. Seriously, what the fuck?

Also of note is that female ejaculation is also now banned because it is 'abhorrent'. I can't remember what that word means, and I cannot be bothered looking it up in an online dictionary, but I know that it isn't good. Is that essentially banning anything with Alisha Klass, because she squirts all the fucking time...

So yeah, fuck you Australian government! I like small boobs, and to prove it, there are some after the NSFW jump.